Blog Challenge: Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life

Another one of those entries that make me go hmm

 

Given that each of my experiences have been learning lessons; be they good or bad, I can’t immediately think of anything I wish I hadn’t done.

(insert the hovering fingers over the keyboard while I think)

trust

I think I can say it was to trust when I shouldn’t have or was given no reason to.  Trust has been something very hard to come by in my life, so when trust has been compromised or broken, it’s hurts to the very core of me.  I’ve had people take advantage of my kindness, loyalty and fidelity in ways that almost crumbled my faith in humanity.  Fortunately, my faith and my ability to forgive; even those unworthy or such, I’ve been able to move forward in life.

bible-god-quotes-514

 

 

Yea, I said it!

A question of faith…

It has been my experience that when faced with a trial that obviously seems contrary to what we’d want for ourselves, people tend to blame God for things not going right. A once faithful person, suddenly questions their faith and their God and lately, I’ve been experiencing that with a friend facing a divorce. Out of respect for her, I won’t air her business; however, I will say, I felt God manifest Himself quite openly through words I read in my devotions and through quotes that others had posted. Naturally, I shared these with my friend in an effect to open her heart and mind back to a positive state, but I realize that she’s in a downward state of being and needs to work through this phase in order to better receive what was shared.

Through my own life’s experiences, I chose to further trust my faith and listen to words of comfort and wisdom shared with me be they solicited or otherwise. I found it easier to trust my faith than trust man because it was man who created the pain or trial I was experiencing in the first place. I opened myself up to receive that which I may not have even been able to fully comprehend at that time if for no other reason than to plant the seed for fertilization and growth. The seeds eventually grew; as did I.

Life is a series of challenges, joys, highs and lows, disappointments, hurts, love; etc. and in the words of Aldous Huxley, “Experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens to you”; very true and very wise words. Without varied experiences we cannot grow. Our lives are like seasonal changes; essential to growth, sustenance, and progression. We must live to experience and experience to live or we remain stagnant, bored, and boring. We can’t and should not seek to control everything in our lives, but instead be flexible and learn to roll with that which we experience and encounter in order to be a part of the ever-moving life cycle.

We must further realize that God works in His own time and not ours. Oftentimes, we think because we are believers and follow doctrine, we are entitled to our prayer requests being met without first truthfully looking into ourselves to determine if we are in fact worthy or ready to receive what we’re praying for. Yes, according to The Word, God says He’ll give you the desires of your heart, but are our desires pure? Are they selfish? Has the requester done their part in seeking God’s invention or intercession? These are things many do not consider; hence, later questioning God and/or their faith. Delay does not mean denial!

Old folks always told me that the space or dash on our headstones should count for something and that we shouldn’t want someone to lie at our eulogy and say, “they had or lived life” if they hadn’t. It’s something that has remained with me for most of my life. Yes, I cursed many a bad day or experience, but I’ve learned that without them I would not be the woman I am today. I rode the rough seas, navigated through life’s detours and I have a tale to tell. I took leap of faith, celebrated my trails turned triumphs, and again, have tales to tell. I celebrate life. I celebrate my faith. And I celebrate being unafraid to face adversity.

The following links are what have been pulse points this week. I share them hoping they’ll inspire, encourage, and allow you to also grow or be a positive influence to someone you may encounter.

God bless!
Seeking Guidance

Can we Really Trust God?

God’s Sovereign Delays

How To Stay Strong In Disappointment

Resting in the Faithfulness of God

God Acts On Our Behalf

Yea, I said that!

Rightful places

“Just because someone has to be a part of your life; doesn’t mean they have to be IN your life. Be careful of bonds you share and the effect it has on others.” Blu Jewel

I posted this on Facebook this morning as I pondered the varying roles people play in our lives. I’ve found we have a tendency to make excuses for, over compensate, or tolerate the presense certain people have in our lives and often do not consider how it could or can affect others.

Speaking from the perspective of someone who is still close friends with a couple people I’ve had intimate relationships with, I’ve always tendered a careful integration of the maintenance of that friendship against my being in a relationship. Some can tolerate their significant other or spouse being friends with a past love fully; some can do it with a level of compromise, while there are others who can not and will not. Full disclosure has worked for me and I’ve made adjustments or concessions where or if necessary in order to be mindful and respectful to all affected. Given then I’m extending full disclosure, I want it reciprocated in order to achieve the desired outcome of complete trust, respect, and privacy.

In matters of ex-spouses; primarily ones where children are involved, there is always going to be contact and communication for the sake of the children. In some cases there will be shared events and occasions where contact will be more than superficial. Based on my experience with Lil Lady’s father, we maintained healthy communication for our daughter, with a level of concern for the well being of each other, as our relationship; though no longer intimate affected our daughter. We did not get in each others business, we did not over-share, and we certainly didn’t give each other play by plays of our daily activities. The terms of our parental relationship were clearly defined and when there was the introduction of a significant other on each of our parts, we honoured the sanctity of the respective relationship by again maintaining healthy and respectful boundaries.

It is my firm belief that once the relationship has been terminated, what I or the other person does should no longer be of any consequence to the other. Where I/he shops, where I/he goes, etc, should no longer become a part of daily conversation. We separated for a reason and the constant exchange should be limited to what is necessary and appropriate; hence, being a part or each others lives and not in each others lives. The constant inclusion; especially when the split-parties are in other relationships can and will have an adverse effect on the relationship. The new person will feel that their privacy; as simple as it may be, will now be violated and the sanctity of the new relationship now becomes tainted.

It’s my humble opinion that a relationship has to endure enough between two parties and does not need the inclusion and intrusion of an ex. I further and firmly believe that communication is the foundation of any and all relationships and if it’s tested by constantly having to worry about the disclosure of information being shared; no matter how simple with a third party, it will be hindered and create the breeding grounds for an argument.

I have a friend whom I had a 14.5 year on again; off again relationship with and we’ve shared just about every detail of our lives with each other. When he or I was in a relationship with someone else, we did not make it our business to share details of it with each other unless it was absolutely necesseary for sounding board purposes, and even then it was issued with a level of restraint and respect. The daily activities of each others lives were of no conseqence; nor was it deemed necessary or appropriate. We are still friends to date and there is nothing but platonic contact between us, we do not discuss my current relationship. Save for one occasion where my response prompted him to ask what was really going on, he knows nothing other than things are good. In fact, not even my nearest and dearest friends are included in the everyday dealings of my relationship. I think it’s important to be able to share; however, it’s not always healthy. People take sides; form opinions, and can be more of a hindrance than help in some instances. However, I digress because I’m swaying slightly off topic.

My point is; we need to keep people in their rightful places. Exes are exes for a reason and contact outside of what is necessary is weight-bearing to a new relationship. I’m fully mindful and encouraging a healthy contact and maintaining a friendship that is in keeping with the confines of shared children. What I find intrusive is one or both parties thinking it’s okay and acceptable to maintain daily inclusions in each other’s lives. Just because the new person hasn’t said anything, doesn’t mean they’re not cognizant of what’s going on. And if they have spoken on it and the behaviour continues without the new person knowing; or there is the impression they do not know; it has now become a lie by omission. Lies by omission are still lies and what is done in the dark can and will come to light. Again, relationships are hard enough, why make them harder by being inconsiderate?

I challenge you to evaluate yourself and your relationships and where necessary; take corrective action to honour the person you’re with and if none is needed, I then challenge you to improve on the relationship you have and be mindful of people you have or let in your lives.

That is all!