Life’s lessons

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person. – Unknown

Knowing, understanding, and accepting the aforementioned is one of the most complex and agonizing of life’s lessons and experiences we will face and with age, I’ve found it to be one of the most liberating experiences I go through. 

In the past, I tended to rationalize the behaviour and actions of others and allow them to stay well past their expiration dates; in turn, providing them with a revolving door into my life and emotional capital of which was squandered.  There were too many Reasons and Seasons that I almost allowed to become Lifetimes. 

At this stage of life, I find myself closing doors more easily and more often.  I no longer allow myself to be held by nostalgia, chronology, and some misplaced sense of loyalty even when the other party finds a way; or at least attempts to reign me back in using those very same things to assuage their guilt for lack of contribution or participation. 

I favour and embrace the truth of where we are now, instead, of the role we each once played in the other’s lives and what we gained in those times or moments.  I recognize the varying degrees of relationships and the impression they had; however, to remain bound by that adds no gain.  My life is tantamount to an investment portfolio, where I have to regard the deposits made and the interest earned to determine whether I’m getting the most for my life’s relationship investments.  I choose not to live my life in the red or leaning toward emotional bankruptcy.  I reserve the right to close accounts and send statements of insufficient funds when people have overdrawn from my life and emotional well-being.  I refuse to continuously allow people to deplete me, be it financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally. 

I have to recognize the signs of the Reason, the Season, or the Lifetime in order to grow in every aspect of my life.  I cannot rationalize what doesn’t warrant the thought process because if I have to rationalize where we stand, I already have my answer.  What I must do is honour the Reason that became as Season for what it provided and reserve myself for those who are the Lifetime, and at the forefront of that is Myself. 

I’m currently liberating myself of someone who was a Reason, a Season, and what I thought would be a Lifetime.  I openly, fully, and wholly accept the Reason and the very many Seasons they played, and realize that Lifetimes are wholly reciprocal relationships.  Lifetimes are proactive, inspiring, uplifting, bullshit calling, and wholesome.  Lifetimes make others a priority and honour those who have bought the ticket with the true intent to ride until the end. 

This closure has been in the making for some time now; not entirely of their own making; however, and in spite of their words, their action has proven itself to be terminal.  There is nothing to wrestle anymore.  There is no taking into account the two plus decades of friendship (Reasons and Seasons) where we once saw each other through the others eyes, or saw each other through the myriad of life’s ups and downs.  All there is, is to let go. 

What was once perceived to be the embodiment of a Lifetime will become a fading memory shrinking further and further into the distance and will eventually set on the horizon of this part of my life’s chapter.  I am very much okay with that.  I honestly didn’t think I would be, but I truly am and in an odd way, I feel a bit relieved; exhilarated even as it feels like I reached past an emotional plateau.

So, here I am, older, wiser, and much lighter on my life’s journey.  I hear Ms. Badu clapping in my head and praising me for not being a Bag Lady.  (I told you before, music is always in my head!) 

If you’re struggling with Reasons, Seasons, and Lifetimes, take a moment to set your life up like a bank account or investment portfolio so you can see if you’re truly getting the best out of your life.

 

Honour thyeslf always! J

 

Live the life you love; love the life you live…

frank zappa quote

I saw this quote last week presented under a different image, but it was the words and not the image that  moved me.  I couldn’t deny the truth of Mr. Zappa’s quote and I immediately thought about those people who fit into that category.

Of late, I’ve become the more annoyed with adults who defer their living for the sake of those mentioned in the quote; and others of course, and then whine and complain about their current state of being.  All you hear “how did I get here?”  “This isn’t the life I wanted for myself!”  “I deserve better than this!”  And similar rants and whining, without ever looking at themselves as being culpable for their misery.  Women are more prone to these expressions; however, I’ve heard a few men express themselves similarly.  We all get one life to live.  There are no encores, no do-overs, and life is certainly not an audition you show up for.  This is it! This is the real thing and no matter how you slice it, we have to make the most of it.  I respect and understand there are late bloomers; I’m one!  I respect and understand that experiences come with time.  However, if you’re not living, how can you expect quality experiences, good; or bad opportunities to learn from, and most of all, what the hell with the dash between your sunrise and sunset count for?

For those who’ve known me over the years and even recently know that I’m an about it person.  I’ve had my share of good and bad and with each experience, a life lesson was born.  I will aid in anyone striving to overcome their issues if and when I can, but what I won’t do is placate and babysit anyone; especially adults who refuse to hold themselves accountable for their lives.  Many try to live vicariously through their children, get married, have high-figured salaries, or whatever material gains that can amass, but even with all those things, they’re still miserable, dissatisfied, and envious; and sometimes judgmental of anyone who has substance and/or some bumps and bruises in their lives.  Da cuss?  Damn if you do and damned if you don’t comes instantly to mind with folk like that.

Well, my luvies, I’ve had about enough!  I’m is sitting in the front seat of life’s car and I’m riding.  I’m smiling because I’ve got God as my co-pilot and navigator.  I knows that even if I makes a wrong turn, I’ll find a new experience in my life’s journey.  Hell, I might find something truly amazing because I didn’t get mad, but accepted the change in direction.  I’ve decided that I’m not being anyone’s emotional sponge and will listen with a keen ear filter and only retain that which is actually worth listening to, and with those I’ve aforementioned, it typically doesn’t tend to be much for than bullshit and rhetoric.  This blog challenge opened my eyes to a new-found clarity.  It’s forced me to be a little more introspective and in doing that I’ve seen a new side of myself and I see people for who they are.  I pass no judgment because I live in a glass house; I just know where I fit in this gift called life.  In the infamous words of the lovely Ms. Nina Simone, “it’s a new dawn.  It’s a new day. It’s a new life for me.  And I’m feeling good”  I refuse to be anyone’s enabler.

 

Yea, I said it!

Blog Challenge: Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

quote

 

Dear (former) Me:

I’m so happy that you’re happy!  I like that you’ve been able to accomplish so much in spite of your past, your pain, and your trials. God did as He said he would, and turned them all around and made you triumphant and victorious.  You tripped and fell many times and questioned yourself, your direction, and even your purpose in life, but you stood up; you fought on and stopped berating yourself for the choices you made.  You came to truly love yourself and for that you should be very proud.

intelligence is sexy

You always relied on your smarts and not your looks to make it through.  Not society, not people, and most importantly; not yourself allowed you to be “just a pretty face”.  As you would say, if you were, you’d be f*cked in life…lol!  You focused on what is truly important and that’s your brain, your content of character and your ability to see beyond what’s so obvious.  Intelligence has gotten you out of many a compromising situation, not an ability to play dumb.

be nice

In spite of the pain others have inflicted, you were never a hurt person; hurting others.  You remained compassionate and kind to other’ even those unworthy of your kind heart.  Your random acts of kindness weren’t always random, but planned and intended to make a difference.  Why?  Because it was important to you.  You are an inherently good person who took all her pain and transformed it into something beautiful; something positive.

u r special

Even though you weren’t always told you were special or made to feel as such, you finally found a way to tell yourself that.  You opened your heart to the most important person…YOURSELF and allowed yourself to feel, know, and believe you are special.  You no longer allow others to make you feel what they want you to feel.  You’ve come to stand up for yourself, know yourself, appreciate yourself, and be the wonderful person God created you to be.  I’m so very proud of you for that.

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Given that your modeling in life was rather questionable, you learned to stand firm by yourself and for yourself.  You became your own advocate and ultimately, you’re own hero.  You don’t look to others to honour or validate you because you don’t need it.  You are uniquely and beautifully made and you’ve embraced it fully.  You’ve fought the championship bouts in the ring of life and came out the victor; not necessarily for your strength, but for the weakness you felt and needed to overcome.  You armoured up and said, “I refuse to back down.  I’ve taken too much for too long and now I’m fighting back”. That, my dear, is worth the title of (s)hero!

with god

When all else failed and people let you down, God was always there with you.  Too often you tried to go it alone, but you always had the good sense to open your heart back to  Him.  You allowed Him to take the wheel and steer you on your course and it paid off. You trusted.  You believed.  You held your faith.  You trusted. You suffered, ultimately you were rewarded. God’s grace is exhibited in and through you because you knew that you are better off with Him than without.  Hats off to you for that!

journey-butterflies-vi

So, here you are now, a transformation from a broken and wounded child to a strong and beautiful woman whose battle scars serve as honour badges for the victories won.  I am so very proud of you and I love you more than you know.

 

(current) Me

 

Yea, I said it!

Blog Challenge: Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

hero

I can’t say I’ve really had a Hero in my life.  I’ve had people whom should have been worthy of such a title, so I guess I’ll have to use one of them for this entry…

hmm

Dear Dad:

Given that I didn’t know you until I was 5, I missed the initial connection that I should have had with you, but once you were in my life, I can’t say that you actually stepped up and did what a father should do.

I can’t say I have entirely bad memories, but I wouldn’t say there are any real standout moments either. You did what you had to do as a father; provide financially and spend time with me physically, but when it came to guidance, life lessons, and such, I certainly didn’t get those lessons.  I think you need some remedial lessons in that department; especially when you’ve made comments about my life and lifestyle of which you know nothing about since we ended up being estranged for 10+ years.

You exposed me to things and people who were no good for me and caused me emotional hurt and pain; things you should have protected me from.  Fortunately, I was eventually smart enough to forgive you and myself for carrying that emotional baggage for way too long.  I will give you credit that when I did finally have a face to face with you about it, you apologized.

Well, as you know I’m a grown woman with a child of my own and her father loved her wholly.  He was there for her in every way possible and I’m eternally grateful for that. I saw her grow under his guidance and constant presence in her life.  I wish I had that, but I carry no grudges because to see her have those things were a blessing and comfort in my life.

I hope before you pass, you’ll reflect and ask God for forgiveness for your shortcomings and wrongdoings with not just me, but all your children.  Just because you are a Christian, doesn’t give you automatic admission to heaven.  It’s your actions that get judged not your faith.

 

Yea, I said it!

 

30-Day Blog Challenge…Day 1

The purpose of this challenge it to take inventory of yourself and your life; well, that’s what I’m taking from it anyway. For those participating, it’ll offer each of us to learn more about each other.

Today’s challenge is to reveal…

SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:

Given that I think “hate” is such a harsh word, I’d like to rephrase “hate” with “heavily dislike”.  That being said, I heavily dislike how harshly I berate myself for things I’ve done that I think I shouldn’t have or should have done differently.  My mind goes through an endless rotation of how I could or should have done a situation and/or thing differently.  For example, last week, I mapped out directions from my friend’s house to a location just outside of NYC.  I weighed each of the proposed route and took the one that seemed most expedient.  While I knew when I left, I had more an ample time to reach my destination, I was still thrown and angered when I ended up on the second of the two proposed routes.  I fussed incessantly with myself and couldn’t stop the internal war I was raging, in truth, for no good reason.  As I said, I had ample time to get to my destination.  The irony of the situation was that the route I ended up on ended up being the faster route as it reduced the amount of time I sat in traffic to my intended exit.

I am like this with many things and I am working to reduce and eventually eliminate my negative habit.  Like all things learned, it’ll take time to unlearn, but it’s something I really want to overcome.  At the end of the day, I’m human and I’m going to make mistakes, bad decisions, or choices regardless of how well thought out; or not, my actions were or could have been.

Well, that one was actually easier than I thought. Phew!  I’m sure they won’t all be this easy, but it’s always the first step that’s the hardest, so I will continue on.

 

 

Yea, I said that!

Things trending in Jewelry store (my mind)…

Really disgusted by the effort so many put into Christmas, but don’t recognize the real reason of the season

I feel that people who do not believe in Christ should not celebrate Christmas

Adults continuing to tell their  kids if they’re not good, they won’t get anything for Christmas, but buy them a plethora of gifts anyway…Then they wonder why kids don’t respect them

I wish people would focus on family, memory making/sharing, community, compassion, gift making; not (exaggerated) gift buying

One’s expression of their love should NOT be proven by how many gifts are bought or how much money is spent (for any occasion)

Why does it constantly take a tragedy for people to prioritize or want to effect change?

I have no respect for parents who put their careers, hobbies, friends/social life before their kids.  Yes, parents need adult time, but there needs to be balance

Love is worth everything

People are just like seasons; they change!

Loyalty, trust, fidelity are NON-negotiables; can’t understand why people settle for less than that

hypocrisy is a parasite and the infection rate climbs steadily

Fantasy and reality and two vastly different things; so sad that so many never make the distinction

“There ain’t no substitute for the truth…Either it is or isn’t”  The Truth – India.Arie

I refuse to believe that nothing good can come from a negative experience

Be, do, give, act!

That is all; carry on!

 

 

Movie quote…

I love movies and I’m particularly fond of Indie and Low Budget movies because they tend to have captivating characters and story lines that capture ad maintain my attention; mostly without all the predictable plots and outcomes.

A couple of nights ago, I watched, After Sex and was pleasantly intruiged and surprised by the varied relationships it chronicled.  When you have some time, I suggest you find it and watch it; I found it on Netflix.

The following is a quote from the movie that touched me and gave me major room for pause.

Leslie: Love is not negotiable.

Christopher: Oh, baby, everything is negotiable!
Leslie: Love is not negotiable. No, not love. Love is a guessing game. And that’s the beauty of it, there’s no guarantees. It’s like diving into a pool of water without knowing if it’s shallow or deep. Sure, right, if it’s shallow you end up hurt and paralyzed from the neck down. But if it’s deep… it’s a leap of faith. It’s like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees. And that’s what life’s about!

Christopher: Sure.

Leslie: Okay, you know those carnival games? And you know how some of them are really hard to win and some of them are super easy and everyone wins? Well, that’s the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize, and no one goes home a loser. And love is the game that’s really hard to win. But if you do, and you get to take home that life size stuffed rhinoceros, it feels a whole lot better than taking home a shitty little plastic key chain.

That is all!