I’m married to a man with two small kids; 13 and 10 and I coworker recently asked if I get along with my husbands ex and I said, “no!” She then said, “oh, that’s a shame!” And after the Divine put his hand over my mouth so I didn’t say what I really wanted to say, I took a breath and then said, “why is that? I wasn’t aware that my having a friendship with her was a requirement.” Sensing she’d crossed the line, she went on to add, “I just figured for the sake of the kids it would be easier if everyone got along.” That’s when I dodged the Divine intervention and went to to say, “this isn’t the Young & the Restless or any other show that romanticizes that exes can and should all get along; to include their new spouses or significant others. (insert her stunned expression). I then went on to add, “that’s the problem with society now, everyone believes the bs they see on tv or read in the papers. As long as I get along with the kids, is what is important, not their mother.” Her response after wishing she’d never been so bold as to make such an inquiry when we’re not even cool like that, was, “Yes, that’s what I meant.” Really? No, I think not. I think she lives by some romanticized version of what she thinks life and relationships are or should be about.
Yes, I agree, we should all get along to a certain degree, but I don’t need to kicking it with his ex, holding conversation outside of what needs to be said, or having her as an active part of my life and current marriage to her ex-husband. Furthermore, this woman has been rude and disrespectful to me and toward me, so again, why do I need to be cool with her? As previously stated, as long as I get along with the kids and I’m not doing anything to harm them, is what’s important.
Since she opened to door to be all up in my business, I decided to give her an earful of fantasy versus reality. My daughter’s father and I split amicably and shared custody of our daughter from age 3-17 when he passed. I never got in his business; or he in mine. We moved and lived on the same block, a small street and one house apart where we could stand in our respective driveways and wave at each other. I didn’t go hang out at his house or he mine more than what was necessary. His then wife and I were cool, and had on occasion hung out because we were in fact friends prior to their getting married. No, I was not a fan of the idea; however, she and our daughter got along and I didn’t want anyone doing any shady ish behind my back, so I went along with it. Once she tried to overstep her boundaries as a step-parent and doing shady ish, I ended that and reiterated to my ex that were the parents and any/all decisions and such are between us. That buddy-buddy ish was for the birds for a plethora of reasons.
In closing, I added that his ex was not someone I’d kick it or be friends with even if she wasn’t his ex as our personalities are vastly different. Furthermore, she’s a liar and untrustworthy; two qualities I abhour in a person.
So, after breaking it all down; certainly more than she bargained for, she apologized for over stepping. “Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self” played loudly in my mental background.
Lesson of the day was: mind your own business and stop looking at life through rose-coloured glasses because “ain’t nobody got time f’dat”. Big shout out to Sweet Brown for that catch-phrase!
Tengo un bueno dia mi amors!