Can We Talk?

I happened upon this post as a ‘pingback’ to one I’d written some time ago. In reading this post, I can’t say I disagree with what the author has stated. Sadly, we coexist in a society where we’re habitually disconnected in spite of how much technology can allegedly keep us connected.

Read and see if you don’t find yourself agreeing. If you’re reading yourself in this post, maybe it’s time to rethink how you communicate.

Remember this…”(real) communication kills assumption”. If you can’t read, understand, or interpret the nuance, emoji, or text speak, then assumption is going to win hands down. It’s past time to reconnect in a human way.

COW PASTURE CHRONICLES

DAILY PROMPT
Ready, Set, Done
Our free-write is back by popular demand: today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less.

Can we talk? No, I mean really talk? Have a conversation, put our phones down, look each other in the face (eye contact might be too much) and talk?  

Cause it seems to me we’ve forgotten how to communicate on the most basic level.

We have become a superficial society of acquaintances communicating in 140 characters and anonymous  Likes on Facebook.  Our kids are growing up unable to interpret simple nuances, expressions of subtle body language, or the tone of ones voice. One-on-one social interaction has become uncomfortable and outdated.

We’ve given our kids cell phones 24/7 on the pretense of keeping them safe, but if we were honest with ourselves, convenience was the real reason. Convenient…

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Life, transitions, serendipity, and other miscellaneous occurrences…

It’s been four months since I last posted anything and while I have about 87.3 entirely legitimate reasons for my absence, I’m not happy about it.

Life events have a way to disrupting ones routine and said disruption has shown me why routine is not always a good thing. I’ve come to truly understand and appreciate that there are many things in life that should occur spontaneously and impulsively in order to feel the fullest effects of the many ups and downs of life.  Controlling what we do day in and day out can make us rather dull and keep us out of touch with the multitude of things, people, and events occurring around us.

Granted, there are things one has to maintain consistency on, such as our jobs, finances, and taking care of our varied responsibilities, but those aside, I’ve realized that once those have been tended to, it’s important to live and be a part of this one-time event called Life.  There are no encores and no do-overs to speak of, so why not live while you’re alive.  Give those who may one day mourn your loss a reason to speak truthfully in their recollections of you and your life. No one wants a liar at their memorial service.  Well, there’ll be some simply because it’s human nature, but at least go out knowing you left an indelible mark where it was supposed to be.

I’m currently in the final stage of moving from a house I’ve spent almost 16 years living in to one I’ve been split living in for almost 4.  This particular transition is tremendously hard for me; not because I don’t want to move, but because I’m not used to living with other people.  Shared spaces are a little hard for me. As I’ve stated in previous posts, I’m territorial, I like order, and I like cleanliness.  I abhor things not being in their respective and rightful places. Things should be cleaned up after being messed up. And one should have the presence of mind to respect things of which are not their own.  Small children, 10 and 7 come with this move, so I’ve been the more strict in how the house should be kept.

Most children these days aren’t being taught to take care of their things, space, and cleanliness; thus, making even more work for the adults in the house. That is a major NO GO with me. Children aren’t to be coddled and allowed to be visitors in their homes; they’re to take care of it because it is their home and space. I reiterate the importance of taking care of their home and cleaning up behind themselves.  Many a toy has been trashed on account of their not maintaining their things. Laundry has gone unwashed because I will not remove underwear left in bottoms. Yes, I know it may sound petty, but I treated my Lil Lady that way, so I won’t make exceptions for my future step-children.

Speaking or marital events, I’m now engaged! That serendipitous event took place in July.  🙂

Friendships have taken turns for the better and worst in the many life events underway in my life. I’ve began removing people for their lack of reciprocity, controlling/manipulative/narcissistic ways/or simply because our season is over.  I’ve come to value my quality of friends rather than the quantity even more than before. I refuse to be a sponge and learned to be a sieve and release that which has no value added. I fully embrace the joys of the real and wholesome relationships where we heal, restore, value, reciprocate, uplift, encourage, enhance, and positively influence each other. Relationships have to be more than titular in order to have real purpose and value.

I have to credit and thank Barefoot Contessa for her checking in on me, encouraging, and sometimes doing her best to entice me into some form of salacious behaviour since she and I are quite alike in many ways. Her unsolicited emails have been a wonderful source of inspiration and she’s now going to become my accountability partner to keep me writing. It’s not that I entirely need one, it’s just without a well-functioning pc or laptop, I’m limited to my tablet, which isn’t that easiest thing to use as a writing tool. I can post from work, of which I’m currently doing, but that ability is contingent on my daily projects. I’ve decided, I’ll allow an additional 30 minutes to my work day for personal use until I’m able to remedy my home pc situation.

I’m in the midst of planning months where I can travel since I miss it tremendously and need to get back out into the world so to speak.  Florida is on tap for May and Vegas for July.  In between that, I’d like to swing Jamaica too.  I’m sure there’ll be day or long weekends to NYC, Maryland, VA, and wherever else draws me in.

So, I’d like to get back to the living life bit.  Time is of the essence and with all the craziness taking place in the US and globally, it’s another indicator that we have to seize as many moments as we possibly can.  We can’t always wait until the weekend to go to the movies, go out to dinner, go shopping, meet friends etc.  We have to do things impulsively, spontaneously, and with vigor. We have to give thanks each day that we’re blessed with in order to show The Divine we’re grateful for the life he’s prescribed.  We can’t keep holding on to things and/or people for sentimental reasons.  We must be diligent in living right NOW.  Heal what’s hurting. Release the weights holding you back.  Forgive, let go, and move on. Keep your heart channels open to both give and receive.  Don’t grudge others for what they have; not everything is for everyone. Restore yourself and walk with your head held high; especially toward those who’ve cursed and demeaned you.

Embrace the transitions; even, no, especially the scary ones.  Trust The Divine to be with you through it.  Open your life to serendipity; she’s a beautiful surprise.  Take chances; take risks; break free of routine.  Set attainable goals and work those plans you’ve set.

Each occurrence in life is whatever you deem it to be…a mistake is typically a learning or life lesson.  A new experience awards an achievement. Don’t let something new scare you.  Face that thing head on and show it who’s boss, but don’t fake it til you make.  Own the so-called losses because they truly do make you stronger and help you find a better coping skill.

I know I’ve been a bit random here and I’m okay with that. I’ve got going on in this head of mine and with time I’ll sort through it all, but in the mean time and between time, I’m just letting it all flow.  Something good always washes ashore.

Be well and sign your name in indelible ink wherever you go and in whatever you do.

Blu

Check out this song and read the lyrics. I think it sums things up quite nicely.
That’s How Life Goes

My life’s a twisting roller coaster on the run
I get no warning when the bad turns are gonna come
It’s a journey with no certainty
so I’ll make my peace with whatever will be
That’s how life goes
That’s how it goes
So you live and you learn to let go
That’s how life goes
That’s how it goes
So in good and in bad you let go
That’s how it goes
I could wonder what my life might have been
had I chosen to float down the other stream
Though some days felt like a slap in the face
there is nothing in my past I’d erase
The good days are enough to keep me strong
So I’ll make my peace with whatever may come
That’s how life goes…
I will let go of the dark thoughts that were ruling me
I will let go of my worries
I will live by the dreams that have been driving me
I’ll try to be the best I can be

Books and covers…

abuse

 

We see many people and gleen an impression of whom we thing they are. What’s wrong with that picture? Well, maybe after reading the image and this post, you may just stop doing that.

I saw this on Pinterest and found myself deeply moved by its content. Not because it spoke to the mysterious “he” that it spoke of, but more to the fact that it so reminded me of a friend.  What impacted me the most about it, was it spoke damn near spot on to how I watched her act in almost all the years we’ve been friends, but primarily over the past decade.  She promotes self-imposed image and role of the “good girl”, the poster image mother, the entitled, and other such lofty positions/opinions. I’ve watched her polish up the veneer she wears so proudly to detract from the fact that this very thought-provoking image proves.

All too often, things such as the B&B and depicted is targeted toward me; however, I’d like to counter that and say, women as pretty much on par with this form of behaviour.  It’s more socially acceptable for the women to be or play “the victim”, so they’re more likely to get away with it or have it dismissed or ignored.  Personally, I think it’s all bullsh*t!  I’m sick and tired of the ghosts of women past, who fought and died for the equal rights women have come to afford, want, and/or expect, essentially for naught.  Now, I’m not saying there aren’t those who are actual victims, but for crying out loud, let’s not continue to buy into the bullsh*t.  Yes, men are often times guilty and less likely to seek counseling, treatment, or some form of help for whatever their emotional issue is, but I bet any one of you fine readers can identify a woman who personifies the B&B.

Please don’t think for one minute I’m disparaging my friend of speaking behind her back because that is certainly not the case. I have spoken with her about her viewpoint, antics, and actions and I very much still care for her; however, her antics leave much to be continually desired.  I’ve been the party that sided with her and comforted her while she played the victim.  For decades she has chosen this behaviour as a front to not dealing with real issues.  Sadly, the Baiting and Bashing has played a part in the demise of her marriage and adversely affected our friendship.  Her soon to be ex-husband has his own issues and culpability, which lead to where they are now, but, I say once again, I’ve seen and heard first hand the B&B.  I’ve tried to talk to my friend and offer my suggestions on how to best work through her issues, but it remains an action undone.  I can’t continue to aid and abet in such behaviour as I find it counter-intuitive to ones growth and development, so I remain distant and hope that she’ll one day see past herself and deal with the issues that have caused her to be this way.

At the end of the day, I live by the rule of, “what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong”.  I’m not a sugar coat it kind of gal; I say what I mean and mean what I say.  I’m rarely passive-aggressive and would rather own my words and actions than pass the blame.  Life comes with good and bad and we must accept it and work toward that which we’ve earned and not what we feel entitled too.

angrynarc1

Yea, I said it!

Random

It’s been a while since I’ve done a decent post and while I have much I’ll eventually post, I’m currently feeling like a boat adrift.  My thoughts are erratic at best and I’m finding myself less and less satisfied with things/people around me and in life as a whole. I’m not one for wallowing.  Nor am I one whose a part of a situation instead of the solution; however, right now, I think I just need to be.  I’m not falling into a temporary dark state; instead I am allowing whatever this “feeling” is to exist and then run its course.  All too often, we strive to “try to figure it out”; spend too much time trying “to get to the root of it”; and/or look for the needle in the proverbial haystack.  I believe I’m in a “let go and let God” state of being.  I prayed this morning for peace in my spirit; to keep my heart open in order to give; and to be moved in a direction that is wholesome to my overall well-being.  I refused the distraction of the radio and prayed in silence as I drove to work and allowed myself to revel in the sound of my thoughts as they occupied my mind.

I rarely think of my time as being wasted when I do nothing because just being still is often more of an accomplishment than constant motion.  We’ve been adversely conditioned into thinking we have to always do something, which, in my opinion is a jagged pill I refuse to swallow.  Why?  Because stillness is important.  Correction, it’s a necessity.  Why you might ask once again?  Because if we’re constantly doing something, when do we actually get to appreciate who we are, what we have, and whom we have it with?  I don’t mean casually; in passing because we’re interacting on a social level, I mean, actually exclude noise, distractions and just be.  Think of the last time you sat with your children, spouse/partner/significant other/friend and just chilled and enjoyed the moment; no electronic device, no thoughts of work, or any other interference and fully appreciated it?  Think of the last time you looked up from your device and said hello how are you to someone and actually meant it and it wasn’t said out of casual tone or in passing?  Think of the last time you let a chore pass without feeling guilty?  Be honest here; I sure am!  So many of us refuse to allow stillness to be a part of our being.  So many don’t really notice the change in colours, a flower that bloomed, the person at the bus stop they may pass each day while driving to work or actually strike up a conversation with a fellow commuter.  These things make me sad, but they also make me appreciate my moments like this.  I know we only have a limited time on this earth and we’re all trying to make the most of it; but again, how many consider that stillness is a part of our time?

Not checking Facebook, Instagram, Email, playing an electronic game isn’t making the most of our time; it’s often squandering it.  I bet if we calculated the time spent not interacting we’d be astonished with the results.  That same time could be spent taking advantage of the beauty around us; the people around us; being a part of something greater or even better than ourselves.  I think; no, I know that’s where I am right now.  I’m cherishing the moments where I don’t have to or want to do something because a social or even personal choice dictates.  I recognize that I’m feeling the weight of living alone as I have done for the past two years, Lil Lady is grown up now. She’s chosen to have a place of her own with her fiance and dog and that’s a good thing because it’ll be how she learns and how she’ll be able to balance her budget, her time, and her life as an adult.  Living alone is good for me because I’m territorial and I enjoy my time, my space, and my things to be where I left them without interference from another party; however, I know it’s time to change that part of my life.  Truth be told, I’m both ready and reluctant for this occurrence because, as I said, I’m territorial. I’m also rather neat and like things in order.  I want messes cleaned’ I want things put away, and I want these things done without having to prompt another party to do them.  I can handle change, but this one will truly take getting used once it occurs.  Pray for me okay! 😉

So, here I am, three months shy of my 47th year of life.  I’m beginning to think this “feeling” is a product of that last quarter phase out of my 46th year.  I’m contemplative.  I’m slightly indecisive.  I’m evaluating.  I’m restructuring.  I’m growing. I’m reflecting.  I’m planning. I’m preparing.  I’m many, many adjectives rolled into the multi facets of being Blu Jewel.  I’m okay with it all because….I know the struggle because I’ve lived through many and overcome.  I know the preciousness of life because mine has been threatened and challenged.  I wore the weight of my pain/shame and appreciate the lightness of being for having rose above it.  There are many positives to my former negatives and the best part of it all is that I have some of the greatest life lessons for it all.  I’m now a healer; a teacher; a mentor; a mother; a friend; a lover; and one day a wife (again); none of the aforementioned come in any particular order, but that is my then and now.  I’m not naive to think that this closeout period will be silver lined, sprinkled with rainbows, and full of sunshine, but what I do know for sure is that trust has been earned and loyalty has been shown, and love has been given from those I’ve needed it the most from.  Those are the ones I cherish.  Those are the ones I stop what I’m doing; or sometimes not doing for.  In those people, I include myself because I am an important part of the equation and in this tapestry of life I am woven together with love, peace, joy, and the occasional appearance of pain, tears, and discontent; however, it does not taint my picture; it merely adds a beautiful hue to which keeps me grounded.

What started out as a random post has now formed into something purposed and meaningful of which I couldn’t be more proud.  I, without initially fully recognizing it, turned nothing into something and proven that even when we think we not doing something; we’re always doing something. I’m thankful and grateful for this moment of “nothingness” 🙂

Enjoy your lives my friends!

 

Yea, I said it!

 

Blog Challenge: Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

quote

 

Dear (former) Me:

I’m so happy that you’re happy!  I like that you’ve been able to accomplish so much in spite of your past, your pain, and your trials. God did as He said he would, and turned them all around and made you triumphant and victorious.  You tripped and fell many times and questioned yourself, your direction, and even your purpose in life, but you stood up; you fought on and stopped berating yourself for the choices you made.  You came to truly love yourself and for that you should be very proud.

intelligence is sexy

You always relied on your smarts and not your looks to make it through.  Not society, not people, and most importantly; not yourself allowed you to be “just a pretty face”.  As you would say, if you were, you’d be f*cked in life…lol!  You focused on what is truly important and that’s your brain, your content of character and your ability to see beyond what’s so obvious.  Intelligence has gotten you out of many a compromising situation, not an ability to play dumb.

be nice

In spite of the pain others have inflicted, you were never a hurt person; hurting others.  You remained compassionate and kind to other’ even those unworthy of your kind heart.  Your random acts of kindness weren’t always random, but planned and intended to make a difference.  Why?  Because it was important to you.  You are an inherently good person who took all her pain and transformed it into something beautiful; something positive.

u r special

Even though you weren’t always told you were special or made to feel as such, you finally found a way to tell yourself that.  You opened your heart to the most important person…YOURSELF and allowed yourself to feel, know, and believe you are special.  You no longer allow others to make you feel what they want you to feel.  You’ve come to stand up for yourself, know yourself, appreciate yourself, and be the wonderful person God created you to be.  I’m so very proud of you for that.

tumblr_lsd0ma3vek1r38zjso1_500

Given that your modeling in life was rather questionable, you learned to stand firm by yourself and for yourself.  You became your own advocate and ultimately, you’re own hero.  You don’t look to others to honour or validate you because you don’t need it.  You are uniquely and beautifully made and you’ve embraced it fully.  You’ve fought the championship bouts in the ring of life and came out the victor; not necessarily for your strength, but for the weakness you felt and needed to overcome.  You armoured up and said, “I refuse to back down.  I’ve taken too much for too long and now I’m fighting back”. That, my dear, is worth the title of (s)hero!

with god

When all else failed and people let you down, God was always there with you.  Too often you tried to go it alone, but you always had the good sense to open your heart back to  Him.  You allowed Him to take the wheel and steer you on your course and it paid off. You trusted.  You believed.  You held your faith.  You trusted. You suffered, ultimately you were rewarded. God’s grace is exhibited in and through you because you knew that you are better off with Him than without.  Hats off to you for that!

journey-butterflies-vi

So, here you are now, a transformation from a broken and wounded child to a strong and beautiful woman whose battle scars serve as honour badges for the victories won.  I am so very proud of you and I love you more than you know.

 

(current) Me

 

Yea, I said it!