I can’t say I’ve really had a Hero in my life. I’ve had people whom should have been worthy of such a title, so I guess I’ll have to use one of them for this entry…
Given that I didn’t know you until I was 5, I missed the initial connection that I should have had with you, but once you were in my life, I can’t say that you actually stepped up and did what a father should do.
I can’t say I have entirely bad memories, but I wouldn’t say there are any real standout moments either. You did what you had to do as a father; provide financially and spend time with me physically, but when it came to guidance, life lessons, and such, I certainly didn’t get those lessons. I think you need some remedial lessons in that department; especially when you’ve made comments about my life and lifestyle of which you know nothing about since we ended up being estranged for 10+ years.
You exposed me to things and people who were no good for me and caused me emotional hurt and pain; things you should have protected me from. Fortunately, I was eventually smart enough to forgive you and myself for carrying that emotional baggage for way too long. I will give you credit that when I did finally have a face to face with you about it, you apologized.
Well, as you know I’m a grown woman with a child of my own and her father loved her wholly. He was there for her in every way possible and I’m eternally grateful for that. I saw her grow under his guidance and constant presence in her life. I wish I had that, but I carry no grudges because to see her have those things were a blessing and comfort in my life.
I hope before you pass, you’ll reflect and ask God for forgiveness for your shortcomings and wrongdoings with not just me, but all your children. Just because you are a Christian, doesn’t give you automatic admission to heaven. It’s your actions that get judged not your faith.
Yea, I said it!