30-day blog challenge

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I got this idea from Sunny Dee and thought it a good challenge for myself. While looking through the questions, I later doubted I wanted to do it, but what’s life without challenging ourselves right? Right!

Not only will I learn more about myself, you’ll get to learn a little more about me too. I may post in between if something really moves me to, so look out for days where I’ll have more than one post for the day. I’m both anxious and nervous about this, but what the hell. Game on!!! 🙂

This list of thought-provoking questions is the reason I wanted to this one.
Day 1 — Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2 — Something you love about yourself.
Day 3 — Something you need to forgive yourself for.
Day 4 — Something you need to forgive someone else for.
Day 5 — Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6 — Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7 — Someone who has made your life worth living for..
Day 8 — Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 — Something people seem to always compliment you on.
Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 — Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Yea, I said it!

In the pursuit of self and happiness

A friend of mine is in the midst of mediation to end her marriage.  The reasons are her own and I’ve taken a stand far away from further commenting  or providing insight on the subject with her.  I’ve decided that she needs to go through the process in order to live, learn, and grow.  While removing myself from her situation, I recalled an old post and decided to reblog it.  It shows a necessary growth on my part and while I continue to succeed in my current relationship, I know I must continue to go through the various evolutionary process that comes with intimate relationships.  I continue to be in a good place in my life and while many of my past experiences may not have always been good ones, I’m still thankful to them for the lessons learned.

Some of the following quotes were also a part of my decision to reblog…

 

chapters
growthface it

Shades of Blu...

In the fall of 2005, I ended my relationship for the last time.  Well, that was the final last time as the relationship had been ended so many times before.  In all honesty, I think it was doomed to fail from the very beginning, but every excuse in the book became justifiable as I tried to rationalize it.  I thought this one might actually change me and my outlook on relationships and change things it did. 

For the three years it lasted post my divorce, I often wondered who I was, what I was doing, and most of all why I was doing it.  Sadly, at the time, I couldn’t give a valid answer if my life depended on it.  We were the most extreme polar opposites you could imagine and while they say opposites attract; and to some truth they do; the only thing we attracted was more and…

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Product endorsement…

About a month or so ago, I purchased a product for my feet after reading rave reviews about it.  Even after receiving the product, I still waited to try it as I maintained some skepticism about its efficacy.  A little over a week ago, I finally tried it and I have to admit that it actually works.

I followed the directions step-by-step, enjoying the convenience of doing in my home and at my leisure and being still for the 1.5 hrs it took to go through the process.  I soaked my feet for 30 minutes to prepare for the next step of the process, which was to wear the booties for an hour and then rinse, dry, and use a water based lotion on my feet thereafter.  I checked my feet after a day or two and can’t say I really noticed a difference. By the third day, I started to notice the soles of my feet peeling and by the end of the week, even more skin peeled away. It truth, the process of the skin peeling is a bit daunting and the feet become a little unsightly, but again, I admit, the product worked and peels both the soles, sides, and tops of the foot.

It’s been exactly 11 days and my feet are almost completely peeled and truly do feel softer…Like a baby’s!

The product cost $25, which is comparable to a pedicure or may even be cheaper depending on where you live and the type of pedicure you get.

Baby Foot can be purchased directly from the link; however, I purchased mine from Beauty Sage because they offered $10 off $30 for signing up and I received free shipping.  The product is a one time use item, but well worth the investment for the results that will dust off your winter feet and prepare them for the warmer weather; well, if it ever gets here. I plan on purchasing a couple more; one for my mother and another for future personal use or as “Spa Day” gift basket.

Check it out and let me know what you think. Since men read my blog too, yes, it’s safe and effective for you too 😉

Yea, I said it!

Lies the Fairy Tales told…

Even as a child, I was never inclined to believe in Fairy Tales. I always found the characters rather unbelievable and the so-called heroines a bit pathetic. I do like some of the newer ‘Fairy Tales’, such as Brave and The Secret Life of Arriety, where the heroines actually believe in something other than a handsome prince to come to their rescue. These characters believed in their own strengths and weaknesses, fought for what they thought was right for them, and stood up against implied feminine protocols.

As a child, I was not dissimilar to those characters. I fortunately wasn’t raised to be a ‘princess’; though there was an implied expectation of what was the stereotyped decorum. Regardless of that expectation, I ran with the best of the boys in the neighbourhood; got dirty, climbed walls and fences, got into fights; typically with boys, and wore my scrapes and scratched as a badge of honour when I wasn’t hiding them from my father. These kinds of antics for a girl were typically frowned upon and we were dubbed ‘Tom Boys’, which I think is wrong. Why couldn’t we simply be accepted for our diverse interest in things that weren’t stereotypical or gender-specific?! Conversely to my running with the boys, I tidied up well and quite enjoyed wearing skirts and dresses.

As the mother of a daughter, I did not impose colour or gender-specific things upon her, nor did I treat her like a princess. Yes, she was her mother and fathers pride and joy and her grandmother dubbed her Princess, but she wasn’t treated with kid gloves, kept ultra clean and graced with pink, sparkles, and lace. Yes, we read her some of the Fairy Tales, but they were never allowed to be imbedded as her mode of living and life expectation. We allowed her the freedom to pick and choose her activities, toys, and other childhood ventures.

Cultural and social exposure played a very active role in Lil Lady’s development. She was taken to various types of places and raised with an awareness of the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’ so she could appreciate what she herself had. She took her first road trip at five days old, her first in-country flight at five months old, and her first international flight at 20 months. Throughout each other these ventures, I was met with a mixed bag of praise and criticism. Some thought it was good that I was exposing her early to life; while others thought I should “wait until she’s older” or “she’s a little princess and shouldn’t be this or that”. Yea, whatever! She was my daughter and I’d do as I pleased as long as neither of us was put in harms way.

Like the constant emphasis in fairy Tales, I’d often hear how beautiful my daughter was as if that’s all she was. I acknowledged that they knew nothing else about her and as soon as she was in school and proved her academic prowess, I was sure to let people know that in addition to her looks, she was an Honour Roll student. I never wanted her to be seen or known solely for her looks. I always taught her that Pretty Smart was leagues better than Pretty Dumb as she’d much more than her looks to get her through life. Granted, looks can and will get you a step up, but without content of character, common sense, and a good skill set, what would she have to fall back on? This is the premise in which so many girls are raised and it needs to be changed. Girls can very much be Princesses; however, they need to taught and learn there is more to them and for them than looks and the handsome Prince coming to their rescue.

This teaching can lead to emotionally weak women who live life through rose coloured glasses where their romantic outlook on relationships and life puts them in a deficit because they think life conforms to the lie they’ve bought into. Fairy tales have led to divorce, emotional, physical and mental abuse, and in some ways, created a breed of women who will either blame everyone else but themselves for the demise of relationships of their lack of love; or they raise daughters with inflated senses of self, entitlement, or the same voice as their mothers because the mother has not fixed what was broken in herself before raising her daughter. Cycles of dysfunction only break when one gets to the root of their issue and stops believing the fantasy sold to them.

I’m pleased that there are some societal changes are occurring to better empower our daughters and I pray that the influences I have on my future stepdaughter and my goddaughter will broaden their life outlook and allow them to be more than “pretty in pink”. I also hope they’ll be more like Merida from Brave and Arriety and not allow society and their peers to dictate what they should do because “they’re girls”.

Lastly, I’d like to add that I co-authored a monologue for a student I was mentoring with the same title as this post where she used it to speak of her lack of relationship with her father. It served as a great healing tool for her. 🙂 Let’s be careful of the seeds we plant for our children; especially our daughters to grow upon.

Yea, I said it!

A question of faith…

It has been my experience that when faced with a trial that obviously seems contrary to what we’d want for ourselves, people tend to blame God for things not going right. A once faithful person, suddenly questions their faith and their God and lately, I’ve been experiencing that with a friend facing a divorce. Out of respect for her, I won’t air her business; however, I will say, I felt God manifest Himself quite openly through words I read in my devotions and through quotes that others had posted. Naturally, I shared these with my friend in an effect to open her heart and mind back to a positive state, but I realize that she’s in a downward state of being and needs to work through this phase in order to better receive what was shared.

Through my own life’s experiences, I chose to further trust my faith and listen to words of comfort and wisdom shared with me be they solicited or otherwise. I found it easier to trust my faith than trust man because it was man who created the pain or trial I was experiencing in the first place. I opened myself up to receive that which I may not have even been able to fully comprehend at that time if for no other reason than to plant the seed for fertilization and growth. The seeds eventually grew; as did I.

Life is a series of challenges, joys, highs and lows, disappointments, hurts, love; etc. and in the words of Aldous Huxley, “Experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens to you”; very true and very wise words. Without varied experiences we cannot grow. Our lives are like seasonal changes; essential to growth, sustenance, and progression. We must live to experience and experience to live or we remain stagnant, bored, and boring. We can’t and should not seek to control everything in our lives, but instead be flexible and learn to roll with that which we experience and encounter in order to be a part of the ever-moving life cycle.

We must further realize that God works in His own time and not ours. Oftentimes, we think because we are believers and follow doctrine, we are entitled to our prayer requests being met without first truthfully looking into ourselves to determine if we are in fact worthy or ready to receive what we’re praying for. Yes, according to The Word, God says He’ll give you the desires of your heart, but are our desires pure? Are they selfish? Has the requester done their part in seeking God’s invention or intercession? These are things many do not consider; hence, later questioning God and/or their faith. Delay does not mean denial!

Old folks always told me that the space or dash on our headstones should count for something and that we shouldn’t want someone to lie at our eulogy and say, “they had or lived life” if they hadn’t. It’s something that has remained with me for most of my life. Yes, I cursed many a bad day or experience, but I’ve learned that without them I would not be the woman I am today. I rode the rough seas, navigated through life’s detours and I have a tale to tell. I took leap of faith, celebrated my trails turned triumphs, and again, have tales to tell. I celebrate life. I celebrate my faith. And I celebrate being unafraid to face adversity.

The following links are what have been pulse points this week. I share them hoping they’ll inspire, encourage, and allow you to also grow or be a positive influence to someone you may encounter.

God bless!
Seeking Guidance

Can we Really Trust God?

God’s Sovereign Delays

How To Stay Strong In Disappointment

Resting in the Faithfulness of God

God Acts On Our Behalf

Yea, I said that!

Fast ass teen invokes a murder…)*^%$)*$^) kids these days…

For those unfamiliar with the story, read here Father shoots teen boy

As a parent, I know there were things that my daughter may or may not do. Granted we can never truly swear for what our kids will do, I always hoped it would be the right thing. I taught her it’s best to be honest and face the consequences than to lie and make a bad situation worse. Again, we can’t never know what our kids will do when caught, but as a parent, we can only hope that our reaction to the situation is one that won’t compound the baseline issue.

In the case of this, in my opinion, fast-ass-lying-ass-lil-heffa, she shouldn’t have lied to her father when he busted her in bed with a boy she invited over. Now, I can’t say whether or not she knew her daddy had a gun in the house, but when she saw him reach for one, she should have confessed to knowing the kid. I think the father went to extremes in handling the situation and while he hasn’t been indicted yet according to the story, it’s likely he will be. Personally, I think his hot-in-the-pants daughter should be charged with involuntary manslaughter for lying and causing the boys death.

What the hell is wrong with kids these days? I’m not going say I was the model teen, but I’ll be damned if 1) I was going to bring a boy to the house with my folks home and 2) I damn sure wouldn’t have lied when caught given the evidence is right there. This is a very sad story and an egregious act of gross negligence on the part of both the father and daughter.

The family of the boy thought he was still on Spring Break and he was taught not to go into a girls room unless his presence was known. I guess he learned the hard way on that. SMDH! Once again, as a mother, I’d hope that my child would have sense enough to not pull a stunt like the one he did that got him killed.

This story saddens me and I’m curious to see how it plays out.

Yea, I said it!

Trending thoughts…

Parents these days need to understand that their children sometimes need to be spoken to in a stern voice in order to have their voice heard and force the child to recognize that things aren’t always up for debate. I’m so sick and tired of parents talking to their kids with this sugar-sweet voice and expect to be taken seriously.  Children require discipline and the understanding that actions have consequences.  If these parents insist on talking to their kids like things are up for debate or in the sugared tone, how the heck do they think they, as parents will command the respect their title/position holds, be an authoritative figure, or expect their child to have any comprehension of how to conduct themselves?

Why do some women think it’s okay to dress their daughters as mini versions of themselves? I’m sick of seeing toddlers and little girls with weaves, press-on nails, and clothing that is entirely inappropriate of a child that age to be wearing.  In addition to taking issue with the mothers, I take issue with the designers of such garments.  It’s bad enough our daughters are being sexualized through the media outlets and then they back it up with child versions of adult clothing.  SMDH 😕

If a man already has multiple children; to include baby mammas, why does the next woman think or expect him to have time and money for her child?  I’m sorry, there is no way in this or the next lifetime am I taking up with a man with multiple previous children, especially if he’s not taking care of them.  In that vein, why would a man want to take up with a woman with multiple children and baby daddies?  Sadly, I can’t even say it’s a ghetto thing since there are athletes and such in that very category.

When I’m at a club and a man offers to buy me a drink, I opt for refusing it as I don’t want him to think I’m now in some way obligated to indulge in conversation, accept his advances, or be “his” for the time I’m there.

I’ve got issues with people touching me.  I take such offense to it that I’ve had to have my friends run interference when they see it happening.  If someone; especially someone I don’t know is conversing with me, it’s wise they keep their hands to themselves; men in particular.  There is no reason for him to talk with his hands on my person.  A fave line when this occurs, “talk with your mouth, not with your hands” and usually walk away.

After almost 32 years, I still have my English accent and find it annoying as all hell to have someone try to speak like me or ask me to repeat particular words because they think it’s cute.  It’s one thing to not understand, but to treat me like a doll, I don’t think so.

When people find out I was in the military, I am usually not please with the startled response, you were in the service? as if feminine looking women don’t wear uniforms.  Puh-leeze!  That’s tantamount to thinking all gay people have a “look”.

Have a good weekend luvies!

Yea, I said that!