Fantasy vs Reality Part 2

I previously posted Fantasy vs. Reality Part 1

where I spoke about relationships as we create them to be and what they actually are.

I’m still reading the book: The Adventures of a Love Investigator, 527 Naked Men & One Woman – Barbara Silkstone that inspired the post and the more I read it, the more I see how and why so many relationships thrive or fail. I’m encouraged that the men are speaking so freely, openly, and honestly to the women interviewing them because they’re speaking truths; albeit their own, but it can be a truth none the less.

I think of this statement, “How do you take the first steps toward divorce? You marry the wrong person.” I can’t tell you how true this is. I did it. The writing was on the wall in my marriage from the very start. I was involved with a man who was cheating on his wife. He also cheated on my while cheating on her, which should have been enough for me to let him go, but I thought I was completely in love with him and he thought the same. Writing these words, Tina Turner’s ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?’ Comes to mind and I laugh a sad laugh because it’s true. Love can very often be exactly what you want it to be and in my case, I wanted it to be him. I’d had a crush on him since I was 19, but avoided a relationship due our eight year age difference and I was months shy of starting my military career, which would and have to take precedence over a relationship. Years later, we came back into each other lives and I thought it was fate for us to be together, but it was yet another left turn. When we finally became a couple it was almost founded on duress after a close mutual friend told him I was too nice a girl to waiting around and certainly didn’t deserve to be a side piece.

Long story short, all the signs that I’d previously ignored shone so brightly they couldn’t be ignored anymore and after some initial trying, we couldn’t make it work and divorced. The ironic part of it all is that he and I were such good friends initially and we seemed like one of those couple who’d remain friends even after a break up, but that wasn’t to be. The absolute saddest part of it all was/is all the things he initially loved about me, became all the things he grew to hate; hence, the opening quote.

I know quite a few people I’ve had to have the “good people aren’t always good together” talk with based on my own experience, common sense, and that state of their relationship. We have to learn that signs are there for a reason. They’re God’s little whisper to us to pay attention, but given that most of us are completely hard-headed, we ignore the signs, forge onward, and then wonder “how did I get here” too late after the fact.

I’ve learned the importance of knowing myself before entering into a relationship because I didn’t want to be one of those “women..guilty of inserting themselves into the man-puzzle when it suits their agenda…” which so many, many women do. It’s a tremendously bad and damaging position to hold and she’ll ultimately do more harm than good in the relationship. I’ve also certainly taken every effort to know whom I’m getting involved with. My Love and I didn’t have it easy in the beginning, but with time, patience, and lots of open and honest dialogue we saw through the issues to make things work. I hold no fantasies of what our lives could and would be, but accepted the reality of our many differences, life experiences, and life goals, which are far more important. I reserve fantasy for my celebrity crushes! 😉

Yea, I said it!

2 thoughts on “Fantasy vs Reality Part 2

  1. At last you found your other half and complimentary too. Nice!

    I think of this statement, “How do you take the first steps toward divorce?……

    It takes guts but as I remember clearly, My mother’s famous words “no one can drink bitter medicine for you”

    Divorce is never an easy decision, but ultimately when you feel as though there are too many rivers to cross before finding each other again…..that’s when you look deep within and make a choice to free yourself.

    I divorced a man I thought was gonna be my forever after yet it turned out he was my beginning…..we all learn through trial and error and these life lessons are essentially our levy to make things right second time round.

    And quite rightly so as you’ve stated the signs are always there, but we will ourselves into believing otherwise.

    Sometimes we may have found the right kinda love at the right time, but some where down the road, it becomes evident that one person in the relationship was simply in love with the idea of “love”.

    Emotions are a force to be reckoned with.

  2. Great comment BFC! So many of us have self-imposed or societal impositions as to where we should be in our lives, leading us to find exactly what we’re looking for, which often times ends up being the wrong thing. Love is, as I’ve often said, a Four-Letter word. It’s profane in its own way because spoken wrongly can be offensive.

    Relationships, good or bad give us lessons and ones that we hopefully learn from and the greatest relationship being the one with ourselves; though sadly, there are many who aren’t and end up right where they don’t want to be single, alone, and/or divorced.

    “Emotions are a force to be reckoned with”…couldn’t agree more my dear; couldn’t agree more

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