Own your shit…

If we’re honest, and I mean completely honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that the #1 reason why we can’t get past our past is because we keep repeating it.  We repeat it because we keep re-reading the chapters that should have been dealt with and left alone.  We sit around complaining about this or that, while never really addressing what caused the mess in the first place; quite often it’s our not owning our shit.  We blame him or her; this or that, while disregarding our complicity or culpability in any situation.  Save for situations of abuse where I don’t know anyone who volunteers for that; we’re in part to blame for when things go wrong, not according to plan, or get the results we expected.  Einstein said it best, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I state again, WE NEED TO OWN OUR SHIT!! We can’t and shouldn’t expect to move forward when we have a foot parked in the past and we can’t expect doors to remain closed when we leave them ajar.

Self-assessment is never easy. Think of those reviews we sometimes have to do at work where we’re asked to assess how we think we’ve done over the past 12 months. It’s not an easy task, unless we’re egocentric and narcissistic, but that aside, while self-assessment is never easy, it’s still necessary. Self-assessment allows us to review ourselves with full disclosure in order to make the necessary corrections for improvement, which often means closing chapters. We can’t complain about someone coming back into their lives while we’re entertaining the so-called offending party. We must learn to deal with the person and then close the chapter and leave it closed. We can’t put the hurt aside, if we don’t first address and leave it in its respective place in order to obtain something functional. Close the chapter and leave it closed. If we carry the hurt and pain from one relationship to another, we’re doomed to repeat it. Again, close the chapter and leave it closed. We can’t continue to worry about certain situations because we’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Hell, if they wronged you, they obviously didn’t care about yours. I see it like this. Honesty is something we tender with kid gloves because when we hold our honest feelings/truth from somebody to “keep the peace,” we’re really saying “I want them around the way I want, so I’m going to lie to keep them in their lane.”  But the sad truth is, when we do that we’re actually not being dishonest. We’re taught to be honest in our formative years and in taking so much time to get honest, say what we need, and be willing to walk away if we don’t find to be the or a truth. We have to realize that regardless of what the other person thinks or feels, OUR feelings are what we have to live with, so it’s more than important to tend our needs as we have to live with ourselves regardless of whom we have in our lives. OWN YOUR SHIT!

Closing chapters is essential to our growth, well-being, and our stability. If we walked around as open books, we’d be even more chaotic than many of us already are. We have to 1) perform the periodic self-assessment, 2) make the necessary corrections in whatever capacity we need to, 3) own our shit, and 4) close the chapter with honesty and forgiveness are essential components is this life equation.

Closing chapters and owning our shit is a lifelong process, but once we get into habit of doing it, the frequency becomes less and less as we learn a little bit more each time. It’s time to stop the insanity, the unnecessary plea bargaining and come to terms with ourselves and our lives. Remember, there is no encore; let’s do our best to make that dash count and stop carrying around the unnecessary.

Let’s let Erykah Badu close out this post with Bag Lady. The lyrics say it all…

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can’t hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do

One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Girl I know sometimes it’s hard
And we can’t let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can’t deny it you can’t stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin
Then you won’t believe it
You’ll feel so much better
(So much better baby)

Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don’t need it
I betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Need someone to love you right)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, I betcha love, oh)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Oh…)
Betcha love can make it better…

Bag lady, hmm
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don’t need that, hmm

FYI…Men you carry a bag too, so don’t be fooled by the title of the song.

That is all!

8 thoughts on “Own your shit…

  1. Pingback: Owning Your Sh** | Spiritu:Re:ality

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