Full disclosure

While helping a friend through her transition and current state of affairs, I began to see that I, too, am feeling that I’m in a transitoinal place in my life.  I have been praying for a change in my relationship and some of it has happened, but there are some other things that require a little more attention; me speaking up! 

My friend and I are brutally honest with each other and even if the words may feel like a hard slap; we know there is love and purpose behind them.  We don’t sugar coat shit and call it candy, because that’s not real.  We deal in real.  We deal with what needs to be said and not what we want to hear.  We’re fortunate to have that devotion, dedication, loyalty, and most of all HONESTY. 

Anyway, while speaking with her, I felt the lock on my emotional door begin to open and I started having some internal dialogue and I didn’t like the way the conversation was going.  I didn’t rebuke what my inner voice was saying because like my friend, I trust it.  It’s my spirit of discernment; the small voice that speaks really loudly and rings in my ears like a church bell.  After processing the plethora of feelings/emotions, I reached out to her and as expected, she delivered the affirmations, confirmations, and most importantly The Truth. 

Full disclosure is so very necessary for growth, clarity, and healing. It releases all the toxicity that’s built up and opens the heart and life channels to better understanding, appreciation, and restoration.  If more people actually engaged in it, they’d be better off and relationships; platonic and/or intimate would be better lived and appreciated. 

I’m ready to move on and move forward even if the receiving party has difficulty in what I’m saying.  It’s not about me throwing stones or trying to put myself on a pedastal; I simply want to achieve and have the fullness I want, deserve, and need for healthy living.  I can’t concern myself with someone else’s feelings at the risk of sacrificing my own as that’s not living authentically, which is very important to me. My growth process has not been an easy one and now that I’ve reached the higher part of the mountain, I don’t want to fall backward. 

Full disclosure here I come on my big horse looking like Lady Godiva; open and vulnerable, but willing to face things head on.

I challenge each of you to examine yourselves, your lives, and your relationships and find ways to incorporate more Full Disclosure.  Release yourself from the hostage situations, the white lies, the comfort zones, and/or whatever else that keeps you from authentic living.

That is all!

16 thoughts on “Full disclosure

  1. The universe always has a way of revealing things to you. When there
    is a failure to listen to the “bells ringing in our heads” or acknowledgement of other very meaningful indicators or warnings that we are approaching tragedy, we end up in very hurtful situations.

    Very recently, I was faced again with deception and betrayal by someone claiming to love me. When there was yet another “ringing” in my head that I ignored I felt foolish, dumb, stupid and humiliated. To me, love is not selfish, arrogant, hurtful or humiliating. The person who hurt me again insisted that he loves me but you don’t commit adultery when you love someone. Love means a lot of things. This is trite and has been the subject of many love songs and analogies but when you love someone sometimes it is better for you both to go your separate ways. It i selfish to stay with someone when you cannot be what they expect or you hurt them to fulfill your sexual desires.

    I am not an angel and certainly contributed to the current state of my relationship but as unhappy as I was, I never sought comfort in the arms of another man. To go this shameful route would only have served to exascerbate my unhappiness, magnify my pain exponentially and diminish what little self respect I had. More importantly, it would have crushed my spouse. He has never delivered on many promises made to me but even at my most heightened state of disappointment in him, I could not humiliate and disrespect him. He unfortunately didn’t see things this way. He and his mistress did some pretty egregiously fucked up shit to me.

    New to this blogging stuff and I hope my comments aren’t too long. You are very lucky to have someone who will give it to you straight. I have that person too and when she is brutally honest with me she is usually telling me something I already know. I cannot tell her about this latest devastation though. Her acerbic style of communication is hard to take and her most potent question would be “Why would you still be with someone like that when he has shown you so many times before what he is?” I don’t have an intelligent answer.

    And BTW, you were spot on in your “Bling or not to Bling” reply to one of your followers. I do not need a piece of jewelry to signify my commitment to my spouse. I am ALWAYS married whether I am wearing a ring or not. I had always told “him” exactly what you did – we were bonded by something more than a ring. His follow up reply to you was hurtful and inaccurate. The timing of it cuts like a knife because 30 minutes or so before your post, he compounded my humiliation by gifting someone and he wears a ring most days.

    • Welcome and thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your candor and you do not need to apologize for the length of your comment. This is an open forum and you are free to express yourself as you need to. That being said, I’ll address your comment…
      What you’ve mentioned is truly a classic case of not seeing or not wanting to see the neon light flashing in front of us. We are conditioned; more importantly conditioned to ignore the signs, make excuses for other people’s behaviour, and sacrifice ourselves for their good; our demise. We believe in the Fairy Tales, we think that we must have done something wrong to make the other treat us a certain way, or we don’t feel deserving of anything better. The truth is, some of us lack enough inner tools/resources to want or do better or have been conditioned into exacerbating a problem instead of doing something about it. God gives us signs, but if we’re not in tuned with ourselves, we’ll miss and/or ignore the signs. We ignore the obvious and continue to walk on the path of emotional; in this instance destruction so the signs increase and unless you start to take heed to what’s right in front of your face, things can and will only get worse until mass destruction happens.
      Through personal experiences, I’ve learned to own what I’ve done or haven’t done within the relationship; however, where cheating is concerned, that’s not my but there’s. I did not give them the license to violate vows or the committed relationship; that’s a choice they made based on their own set of issues or sense of entitlement. While I agree that others can, will, and do inflict their shit on another, I also say people can’t get away with what we don’t allow them to. It all comes back to the self-awareness, listening to and paying attention to the signs, and asking questions; FULL DISCLOSURE. Full disclosure is reciprocal, so you ask and you also tell in order to achieve a successful outcome or conclusion. The average person is going to lie; it’s human nature; however, it’s how we respond to what’s being said to us that proves the measure of integrity; ours or theirs.
      Yes, I do consider myself extremely fortunate to have such a genuine, honest, and reciprocal friendship and one I cherish like my first and only born. I take loyalty, integrity, and truth seriously as my life has been void on it for far too long. None of us wants the obvious stated, but we have to accept it if we are truly trying to improve ourselves or our situations. I’ve found that we must share certain things with those who have actually been where we are as they may have a better platform in which to speak from; however, that may still have to be executed with some caution as bitterness can precede real or beneficial help. Your lack of an intelligent answer is less stemmed from actually not having one, but moreso from not wanting to face and deal with your own complicity or even self-deprecation as I mentioned earlier.
      At the end of the day you have to be willing to be honest and open with yourself in order to put the issue to rest. You are the master of your life, your happiness, and your emotional well-being. Sounds like it’s time for you to start getting to the root issue of what has caused you to pick a partner such as you’ve described, but more importantly, why you didn’t love yourself enough to do something about it before it got as grave as it did. We all have choices; it’s the making of the one that best suits us wholly and fully that we need to make.
      I’ll address your comment on “Bling or not to Bling” in that post.
      Thanks again for your comment and openness and I hope you find the closure and healing you need to move forward.

  2. Thank you. Your reply was not an “ear tickler” and more helpful than what I am paying $125 an hour for. Be blessed.

    • I’m no professional and speak from experience, some common sense, and whatever the Spirit leads me to say. His wisdom is what has gotten me where I am today. I’m happy that I have helped in some way and I pray that you’ll find the a brighter day over the horizon.

      Should like to engage further in private, you can email me at blujewel@gmail.com

  3. Once is a coincidence, twice is confirmation. This is the 2nd time in 24 hours that I have been challenged to speak up. I have often bit my tongue to protect the feelings of others, saving my true feelings for my blog, but that just hurts me. That is about to change. Thank you for this.

  4. I once heard full disclosure described as living in the sight of God’s memory. i can only guess at what was meant.

    i read the comments with a lot of interest and agree that sometimes we look the other way cos we fear facing our complicity. sometimes its plain impossible to comprehend, like last year i accidentally found out a lady friend was being battered by her partner. crazy cos they’ve been together for years and i always figured her as the strong type that wont take.

    We all have our demons and sometimes you need to hear another’s point of view to remind yourself some if not all can be overcome. thanks for the post

  5. Thats a very healing post blu indeed……….I released myself felt a huge weight lifted but find myself hostage yet again. I know how to release myself yet convince myself I can’t and shouldnt. Seems I need a real chat with ChilledLeo…

    • {Hugs} I’ve been there and done that so I know what you’re saying, but instead of waiting until you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, pull on those reigns and steer yourself out of harms way. Regain that initial strength that pulled you from your bondage before and muster every ounce of your being to get out and stay out for good.

  6. Best post I’ve read this year. That is all. I may have to lift a couple of quotes from ya… Glad I found you again. I can come around and harass you!

    • Hey Lady! Girl, I was sniffing around your spot for a while; sometimes commenting and sometimes not. I sprayed so you could find me again. Took you a while, but I’m happy to have you around. Thanks for the compliment and you can blog jack me however you need to. 🙂

  7. We all need friends.

    If you went to a counselor or mental health professional all they’d do is engage you in dialogue about your issues and concerns and how you got there. They’d engage you in how you could get to and through solutions and resolution. We all need real friends because sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes we just need to listen or be heard.

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