To ring or not to ring; bling is the question


So, I was listening to the Tom Joyner Morning Show and Jackie Reed’s topic of discussion was about engagement rings.  Apparently Jessica Biel is not wearing the ring Justin Timberlake gave her because she doesn’t like it.  I almost choked on the coffee I wished I was drinking when I heard that.  Yes, that’s how much what I heard shocked me.  I understand getting engaged is a magical experience; I was there once; actually twice, but there is more to an engagement and life than the size of the ring. 

My sentiment aside for now, this is what the discussion went on to say.  A man should know what his fiancée to be likes or dislikes and should match her taste accordingly.  Really?  Also, it was said that a woman is going to be wearing that ring everyday, so it should be something she’d want to flaunt and be happy wearing.  Really?  There were some other things said, but by then I had to park and go inside and I was in part, rather sick of what I was hearing anyway.  I don’t dispute that a man should pay some attention to what a woman likes or dislikes when it comes to rings/jewelry and if he’s going to propose, present her with something he thinks she’ll like, but dammit why should it ALL have to be about her?  Yes, she’ll be wearing it and flaunting it to anyone in eye shot, but geesh, shouldn’t there be so much more to it than that?  Okay, celebrities are in the fortunate position of having enough money to buy an enormous ring, but size/quality, doesn’t always make for a pretty ring.  These things are subjective and unless the fiancée to be has made a specific call to a specific ring/style/size etc, I think he should still be within his right to purchase what he also likes or what he likes in general; hell HE’S paying for it whether he’s a celebrity or not.  Women need to stop being so shallow.  They want to get married and sometimes demand to be married, so that in and of itself should be reason to be happy.  The size, weight, clarity of the ring does not a successful marriage make no matter who you are.  

When I was in marriage discussion with my now ex-husband, he had an idea of what I liked in terms of style etc for a diamond and I knew his budget.  I’m not a materialist woman and while I wanted a nice ring, it didn’t have to be the top of the line and it certainly didn’t need to meet his pre-determined budget to the dollar.  It was a custom-designed and made very pretty ring, which was later nested into a custom-designed and made band, but it didn’t have to be.  He could have gotten what he got, given it to me, and I’d still have been happy.  Why?  Because the simple fact that he wanted to marry me was sufficient.  Truth be told, I wore my engagement ring with limited frequency because I worked where I needed to put my hands in equipment and do things where having a ring on was a hindrance to my productivity.  I wore my alternate band on my ring finger which carried the same weight of significance and importance as my high-end ring/band did.  For me it wasn’t the size or quality, but the intent and purpose behind it.  Again, the REAL reason for it in the first place.  I’ve heard some women who are still wearing their original engagement ring say that their husbands had promised bigger ones over time as they bought what they could afford when they proposed and a good many of them refused the newer ring because it wouldn’t mean the same thing.  It wasn’t the size etc., of the ring that mattered, but the fact he bought her a ring.  Yes, for some of the more sophisticated or high-maintenance women out there, they’d be nagging their man for the upgraded version the minute he was financially able and that’s they prerogative; however, no new ring can ever redo the original proposal, the original significance, and the real love, time, and effort he put into getting the first.  

My man and I have discussed marriage and I’ve stated that I do not want an engagement ring.  I said I wanted a nice band as it still symbolized our love and commitment to each other.  He was quite taken aback and I think even a tad offended by it, but I spoke the truth.  I don’t need two rings to symbolize us; one is sufficient.  The ring I’ve looked at costs less than $1,000 dollars; yes, another blank stare, but it’s what I like and would want to wear.  Actually, I think the ring costs about $650.  I know the nay sayers are gagging at the bit for my decision and choice, but I don’t care and I don’t have to please them.  The engagement is not for their purpose or approval.  I’m very hard on my hands and could very easily chip or damage my ring; another reason why I don’t need one other than my band.  Should he decide he wants me to have an engagement ring; I still do not need anything fancy or grandiose and I’d be happy what whatever he presented me.  His proof of love is not in the ring, but in his actions, his intent, and his commitment to our future life together. 

That is all! 

11 thoughts on “To ring or not to ring; bling is the question

  1. I have had two engagement rings and I didn’t particularly care for either one of them. But I wore them both from the time the proposal came until the marriage(s) ended. Both proposals were a shock to me and I wasn’t going to spoil it by turning my nose up at the ring. But best believe, if I get married again there will be plenty of discussion and part of that discussion will be about whether or not I should have an engagement ring. Truth be told, I’d much rather have a husband who will love me until death parts us and to heck with the ring.

    • Big cheers to you Chele. I applaud that you did not shun the rings and wore them for the gifts of love they each represented. I’m even happier to hear that you’d rather the husband til death, than the ring. I actually expected to receive less than complimentary comments on this one. Not that I would have minded as everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it certainly is refreshing to hear a woman want more than jewels to solidify love and commitment.

  2. the engagement ring was a family heirloom.. I didn’t like it and it didn’t fit me (yay for chubby fingers) but it made for a great sentiment… and the proposal was special.. now that we are married.. I wear my wedding band only and to be honest some days I don’t. a lot of that has to do with still some swelling in my hands after the baby but I digress..

    I can’t get with the size of the ring.. size won’t say how much he truly loves & cares for you.. it’s sad that society has become so wrapped up in materialistic things that the true meaning behind the proposal is lost. such is life..

    • Hi BK and thanks for stopping by.
      Yay! Another woman who accepted the proposal in spite of the ring. That is real love right there and shows a lot about the character of woman you are. You are absolutely right that size shouldn’t matter, but society sadly influences so many that they can’t see what’s really important.

  3. I’ve been married for almost 23 years and I can’t say that I wear my ring daily, my wife rarely wears a ring that I purchased. I’ve purchased at least three diamond rings for her over the years and I’m sure she’s lost at least two of them.

    In any case, she prefers to wear a diamond ring her grandmother owned before she passed away several years ago.

    I really don’t care if she doesn’t wear the ring regularly and I doubt rather seriously if she cares whether or not I wear mine either.

  4. You and your wife are bonded by more than the finite influence of a ring, but are instead bonded by the infinite amount of commitment you’ve made to and with each other. I dig that.

  5. There you go its a rap…..getting married a fine example of the commercialisation today that chokes us all competition to have the brightest and biggest doesnt always mean you have the best. Sometimes as human beings we do lose sight of the bigger picture. The love is what matters but even that somewhere down the line things change and bibbles burst….

    Its unfortunate that the common jigsaw puzzle nowadays is marriage ooooppps found the missing part divorce. Such is life learning about whats most important!!!

  6. The size of the ring does not a good marriage make as I said in the post. I’m impressed to have another woman comment that it’s not the ring, but the marriage that counts. If women put as much into the marriage as they do to the ring, they might be a lot happier overall. *sigh*

  7. I received this comment as part of a different post, but I wanted to add it here and comment accordingly…
    “And BTW, you were spot on in your “Bling or not to Bling” reply to one of your followers. I do not need a piece of jewelry to signify my commitment to my spouse. I am ALWAYS married whether I am wearing a ring or not. I had always told “him” exactly what you did – we were bonded by something more than a ring. His follow up reply to you was hurtful and inaccurate. The timing of it cuts like a knife because 30 minutes or so before your post, he compounded my humiliation by gifting someone and he wears a ring most days.”

    I appreciate your feelings on the reply from another comment. I’m not offended by it as it’s how he feels about his situation; though I think for you the burden/timing of it was too close for comfort. Life; henceforth, for you should be for and about you. You can’t undo what he did or the effect it had, but you can remedy your feelings and reconcile the negativity by making yourself whole so that you’re ready for your future ‘he’.

    Be well!

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