When I initially wrote Bait and Switch, I had no idea there would be a Part II so soon, but in light of some discussion with people this week; it proved necessary. Here’s why…
There is a certain amount of growth, change, and comprise that comes with any relationship, but not all of those things require such extreme change or compromise; sex being one of them. Save for there being a health issue or sadly; abuse in any physical or sexual form, sex be one of those things that; in my humble opinion that gets better. Yes, age does bring about some longevity or stamina issues and for women; that dreaded vaginal dryness that can come about, but as we all know from radio, magazine, internet and even our own doctors; that there is something in pill, liquid, or topical form that can be used or taken to mitigate the problem. No, I’m not promoting pharmaceuticals, but if you want to have a satisfying sex life with your partner, there are ways and means to do so.
My PSA over, let me get back to the topic at hand…
Someone I know read my post and commented to me that his friend is going through an extreme case of B&S; funny how that looks a lot like the abbreviated form of bullshit! Hmm? My bad…I digress.
Anyway, *Rick tells me that his boy used to have a live-in girlfriend and he also had a jump off whom he ultimately left his live-in for. I wasn’t presented with details of his boys’ relationship with his former live-in and didn’t ask, so I’m left to assume, he had reason to seek affection/attention elsewhere. Well, his jump-off; now his fiancée is no longer practicing her sexual acts in the same fashion she previously had. In fact, things have gotten so bad that in addition to trying to discuss this matter with the fiancée; professional intervention has been sought to no avail. My first response to this is to quote the old adage, “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife” and my second, is to say that old girl has taken bait a switch to a level even I’m having a hard time comprehending. I really want to slap dude in the head and then ask him what in the name of all that is holy made him not try to work things out with his former live-in instead of supplementing his relationship with a jump-off? But given that I already know there are a plethora of reasons to make one stray, that would be a long-ass conversation and I would probably end up tuning half of what he said out anyway. That aside, I’m more curious to know what made his former jump-off; now fiancée change her game. That’s some foul shizz and I’ve got issue with that. She knew dude was with someone else when they hooked up and had no problem being the side piece and breaking him off chunks of hoochie coochie on demand. And now, for whatever reason her cooch and what he saw in her made him leave his former hasn’t played out as he thought and hoped it would. Talk about a flag on the play…geesh! That’s a technical foul and one that would cause ejection from the game. *Shaking my head*. Okay, enough of the sports references and back to the topic.
I’ll admit that I was once a side piece; long story, and yep, the sex was great. It was mutually rewarding and for reasons too long to go into details, we never actually made it as a couple, but I can stand on my soap box and say this; “THE SEX WOULD HAVE REMAINED THE SAME IF NOT GOTTEN BETTER”. How do I know this? Well, for us; the relationship was more than just sexually based to begin with; thus, giving us a firm foundation in which to start a relationship. Neither of us are casual people, so sleeping around was never either of our thing and it was circumstances beyond our immediate control which prohibited the relationship to become more than Friends With Benefits. Real connections and chemistry are more than sexually based; therefore requiring less work in the sex department and speaking solely from personal experience, I’d be the more inclined to remain sexually in tuned with my partner because now he’s all mine and I can really go completely buck wild. A girl, should always still have a little reserve in her tank *wink*.
Again, I digress…Gotta stop losing focus 😉
So, here we have a case of indictable Bait and Switch in the court of sexual relationships. We have herein a case of gross fraud and misrepresentation combined with the alienation of sexual attention and affection. Was this for monetary gain? Stature? To simply have bragging rights, “I took your man?” Who the heck knows, but I know for the most part we all care. Why? Because while we may not openly admit it, we all hope it never happens to us. We don’t want to be that person who’s secretly writing to magazines for help or having hushed conversations with our ace bestie’s as we feel like punks for being caught out there. Yes, readers, this is a WE situation because as I said, we may not want to admit it, but we’ve all done it or know someone who has been through it.
I’m a feisty one because depending on the level of my being pissed on with my man and I’m horny; I still want sex. I’m not withholding it because I’m salty with him. I’m mad at something he did, which is likely to be rectifiable so, why not get sex on demand? In truth, if he was pissed at me and wanted to sex, I might be inclined to do it on that occasion too because no matter what, I’m still getting something out of it. See how easy it is to still get what you want?
Readers, I don’t know who we’ll ever resolve the cases of Bait and Switch, but let’s try. Let’s be honest first with ourselves and then with our partners when it comes to sex and the refraining of it. Let’s stop putting it on a pedestal and/or using it as a tool of control; it was never intended to be that. Sex is an enjoyable and pleasurable act shared between consenting adults that should be an integral part of a relationship. When it stops being that, then it’s time to work things out. Sex is fun NOT a weapon. And like I said in my previous post, communication is an amazing form of foreplay.
That is all!
*Name change to preserve real identity